1. Get inspired. You can't eat cookies if you're not in the right mindset. Here's what I usually use.
The Cookie Monster is the best possible tool. Imagine yourself as him, and try to create his instincts for cookie consumption within your own mind.
If you really want to go back to the glory days, have it your way.2. Buy cookies. My personal favorite are Keebler's Chips Deluxe, or whatever you call them. The point is, your cookies should have chocolate chips in them, and they should taste good.
3. Buy milk.
Alex gets his milk from the Korova Milk Bar. However, I'd advise you get it from somewhere else, for our purposes.
4. Pour yourself a glass, and open up the box of cookies. Grab a napkin, too. We'll want something to absorb the milk, and a plate won't be necessary. Keep it simple.
5. Prepare well. Be careful here, because this is where it gets easy to mess it up. Take it slow. Decide how many cookies you want, then put the box away (make sure the milk is away as well: no refills should be necessary). I usually have a full row, but this may not be for everybody. Furthermore, make sure your glass is wide enough for dipping. If it's too narrow, your hand won't be able to reach the milk.
6. Break the cookie in half. It's likely the entire cookie won't fit into the cup when dipping. To make it easier, break them into halves. If a break isn't clean, don't discard the shards. We'll use those later.
7. Dip the cookies. Grab the end of a half of a cookie, and dip it in as far as you can. Let it soak for two, maybe three seconds. You want the cookies to absorb the milk without absorbing too much. If you saved the cookie shards from bad breaks in Step 6, dip those in whatever way you can. They're tricky, and the method of dipping depends on the shape of the shards. It's up to you to improvise. You got yourself in that situation to begin with.
Improper dipping method, as the cookie has been dipped without a break.
8. Bring the cookie to your mouth. Make sure the cup is at the edge of the napkin, and that the napkin is positioned below your mouth. Take the cookie, and slowly bring it toward your mouth. Avoid rapid movements, and make sure any dripping falls onto the napkin.
9. Eat the cookie. Place the entire semi-cookie in your mouth, then chew. And please people, make sure not to choke. Let's avoid any accidents.
10. Repeat. Repeat Steps 6-9 until you have successfully consumed all of the cookies you took out during Step 5.
11. Drink the milk. Drink any milk that wasn't absorbed by your cookies. However, it's not mandatory that you finish your glass of milk. If there are chunks of cookie at the bottom of the glass that look disgusting, it is perfectly acceptable to drink 90% of the glass, and spill out the remaining 10% mixture of milk and ruined cookie.
12. Clean up. Throw out the napkin, and if your cup is disposable, throw it out as well. However, if not, make sure to wash it in preparation for your next session.
There you have it. If anything, make sure you enjoy your cookie eating. If you enjoy eating the cookies, the cookies will enjoy being eaten. Everybody's happy.
Oh, and supposedly these guys are back together. I don't know about you, but I'm excited.
-brett
i don't like milk
ReplyDelete12 steps...that's a lot for a simple thing like eating a cookie.
ReplyDeletehmm very interesting blog entry... now i have a very interesting question.
ReplyDeleteNow I don't want to use any names (Lisa Halperin), but what would you suggest to the mothers around the world who put cookies into the oven for 45-90 seconds?
This makes me hungry. I think I'll have a cookie now :).
ReplyDeletematt-it's a necessity. if you don't like it, either a) use very little, or b) find a similar substitute.
ReplyDeletebill-trust me, it's better this way. I broke some steps down a lot in order to make sure there was minimal confusion.
max-this is primarily for the consumption of cookies, not the baking of them.
andrew-I just had several.